Laundering

As my foreign registration card finally arrived, it was time to open a bank account at the local branch across the street from my mother in law's house. Conveniently, the bank is open from 9AM until 3PM. The first thing you notice when trying to do business at the bank is the rigid bureaucracy.

Prior to any transaction the clerk will typically consult a file containing step by step instructions, especially if a foreign person is trying to do something. Next, the manager must be consulted prior to any action taking place. Before any transaction is complete, the manager must give a verbal approval as well as place his ink pad stamp of approval on a piece of paper. Other than the fetish for these ink pad stamps, it isn't really much different than doing business with a USA based bank. Slow and bureaucratic.

All I wanted to do was open a lousy bank account and put a few hundred thousand Yen in there. That's a few thousand dollars for the foreign exchange disadvantaged.

I took one look at the bank branch manager and knew it wasn't going to be easy. The guy is a dead ringer for Deputy Barney Fife, from the Andy Griffith Show.

For those who have never seen the Andy Griffith Show (under age 40 perhaps) I can only suggest you click on the link above to see what a bean pole Barney Fife looked like. The character was a hyper nervous and excitable type who was always on the look out for something suspicious, even though he was a Deputy in a small rural North Carolina town that never experienced a crime of any severity.

The Japanese Barney Fife eyed me with suspicion but allowed me to open the account. Then, I asked him for the bank's SWIFT code so I could wire funds into the account. He handed over the code.

Barney must have spent a sleepless night worrying about my new account because our phone rang at 9:01AM the next morning. Deputy Fife was on the line and he was very nervous about my activities. He suspected I would be engaging in money laundering and wanted to know why I opened the account and what I planned on doing in Japan.

Did he really think we would tell him we intended on engaging in money laundering? If the guy accused me of this ridiculous charge in English, I probably would have lost my temper American style and threatened to close the account.

Yuriko, however, handled it as smooth as silk, the Japanese way while giving the guy a complete brush off. Told him I was here for personal reasons and the account would be used for personal activities. Believe it or not, he accepted this explanation, at least for now. I have a strange feeling that Deputy Barney Fife will be monitoring me and my activities.